It’s been 2 days that I have been at my Nanihal, and it’s been raining for almost 2 days now.
The thing about rain is that it gives you a lot of time to think because there is nothing you could do, no where you could go, and stuff like that.
For the past 2 days, I have been observing people here, and I have been observing my Nanaji the most because he is almost 92 now.
What I have seen is that he gets very lonely. Sometimes he comes into the room, finds people talking, and then he slowly moves out of the room. I don’t know why he never sits with us. I don’t even remember the last time he just sat in a room full of people talking and everything. He just comes in, sees people, and then just moves away.
That made me realize how sad life is for a man in his late 90s, or for someone who is very old.
I’m not including women in this because even when they are old, they have this relationship so that they can talk with people.
My Nani is very sweet and very kind, and she talks to people, even when they don’t want to. Maybe she cares too much for people, so eventually she talks to people, and.
My Nanaji doesn’t talk too much, so that is why I feel for him sometimes.
This also led me to think about good health.
My Nanaji is in really good health (touchwood). I also think that good health is “good”, but when you are 90-plus or something, having good health can also become a curse because you have nothing to do, and you are this lone, single person, just staying alive day after day!
I don’t know how that works because I’m not that old.
The thing is that I feel like someday, maybe we are at this stage. Maybe we are not 92-plus, because I genuinely don’t believe that our generation – my generation, would even survive 70 or 60, in fact.
But, we will progress into that stage, right? Maybe I feel like I should go talk with him, but I don’t know.
There is this distance between me and him, or I would say, men when they grow old and the rest of their family. Though, I don’t mind talking to him. I never have.
I will be very honest: he talks very little, even when I visited after 3 years! He just spoke a maximum of, I think, 4 to 5 lines. That’s it.
(I feel like I should go and talk to him. Maybe I am trying to find an excuse)
The last time I tried to talk with him, I brought in some topics, but eventually, the regular questions came up:
- where I am
- what I’m doing
- how my sisters are doing
- how my mother is doing
- how the weather is
These are the typical questions where you’re trying to get what the other person is doing. He has asked me these, and I have answered, but now what?
I have tried to bring in topics like I have moved to Ranikhet finally, and the life in Delhi was boring and everything, but he just doesn’t seem kind of interested. After a few minutes of these questions, the conversation eventually fades away.
I think I’m just letting out my feelings because I respect him for who he is and what he has done for this side of the family. I think he is the most senior person in my mother’s side of the family.
