Lately, I have been feeling this a lot.
And immediately I thought of the reels and yt videos that talk about the concept of “adulting” or “growing-up”.
You feel like everyone besides YOU is doing so much in their life – promotions, foreign trips, higher education from a premiere institute or sometimes years or decade-long friendships turning into engagements and then marriages and then there’s you who feels the same since the last decade or so!
You feel left behind… I feel left behind!
And it’s not like – you are not doing anything, things are not happening in your life too but when you are comparing it to them… yours seem less!
So, comparison is the thief right?
But, how do I not compare?
How do I not compare myself to the person who is of my same age, has studied with me, part grew-up with me?
How do I not compare myself with someone who I thought was less than me?
Ok…saying ‘less than me’ sounds wrong but I will not deny that exact thought has crossed my mind many times!
Maybe it was because I was so sure I deserved better at least than that person!
You blame god, sometime universe and sometime yourself for not taking up on that job opportunity or putting more efforts for that relationship or person.
And it gets even worse when that person is someone who is/was your friend once or someone close to you.
On one hand you are happy for them that they did this or achieved that and on the other you feel “I too deserved this” or maybe even better than this!
Questions like – Why you don’t have what they have? seem to bother you!
But when you think of it deeply or try to write about it.. like I am rn.. you realize..
this is not something you solve in a day… or just stop thinking about…either you come to peace with it (which never happens) or you do something about it!
I mean how can you just come to peace with it or how the fuck‘ it will be ok with time’ when you are not doing ANYTHING about it…just sitting and overthinking everything…
I feel…closure is not just related to relationships… thoughts like these needs ‘closure’ too … they need to be worked on over time.
And let’s be realistic… it doesn’t happen overnight!
You have to work on yourself for days, months and sometimes years.
Slowly improving yourself, forgiving yourself, learning new things and talking to new people!
Because that is how you let go off the past and focus on the only thing that’s real… the present!
